Keeping Mum May 24 2020
Other People’s Hilarious Disasters
Keeping Mum

By Keeping Mum


When did we become so blasé about beauty ?


I ask this as someone who’s just been threaded in full view of anyone on the ground floor of Fenwick Canterbury this afternoon. Not just my eyebrows either, I’m menopausally sad to say.


I think, societally, we’ve become completely inured to the intimacy of sharing intimate details of our beauty regimes. Undoubtedly we benefit in spades from what’s out there to view – ideas and inspiration; advice; step by step guides; other people’s hilarious disasters. Particularly the peel off mask ones.



“ There’s nothing wrong with being well maintained, in fact I aspire to that myself, but I am hoping the ‘enhancement’ trend finishes soon. . .]



It seems like there’s evidence EVERYWHERE that false is the new natural. With a full face on, microbladed eyebrows and enhanced lips look great, well ok. A bit trampy in my opinion, but if you like that sort of thing. But personally, without the slap, I find whores’ eyelashes and trout pouts, frankly, distracting. Like a bogey. I can’t stop staring. And before you start congratulating yourselves that it’s attention, not all attention is admiration. People stare at car crashes too.


We’ve got shop fronts the length of the town advertising top to toe transformations but no where have I seen anyone offering anal bleaching.


When did that become a thing ?

Is it still a thing ?


In case you’re not entirely sure – I’m not saying you’re stupid but my search history has the record, no point yours wearing it too – anal bleaching is basically the beauticians’ equivalent of a Dulux colour match, but for your hole. And actually, it’s not just for your bum. You can also lighten the following ‘intimate skin’: underarms, vaginal skin, nipples, scrotums and penises (peni ?). Apparently pink isn’t in… who knew.


There’s no local anal bleaching salon – I looked – but good news if you don’t want to go all the way to London, there was a google ad entitled ‘Bleach your anus at home’ which I can point you to.


However, let me know if there’s an appetite for it locally ?


Apparently there’s a hole in the market.



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